In a recent post, I lamented about the fact that my kid got hand foot and mouth disease, and I mused about what affliction would befall him next. I specifically mentioned pinworms. And guess what? A couple of months after HFM was over with, I got a call from my kid's school. *DUN DUN*
I was at work and had missed the call from school. When I listened to the vague voicemail message, I immediately panicked and figured my kid had gotten hurt. I called back, expecting them to tell me he fell and broke his arm or something. Instead, the secretary attempted to explain that while his diaper was being changed after a poop, his teacher saw something hanging out of his butt, and she had to pull it out. She then informed me it looked like some kind of worm. After mentally breathing a sigh of relief that my kid wasn't maimed, a fresh wave of dread washed over me as I came to realization that he probably had pinworms. I had read about pinworms before. I was disgusted by them in general and horrified by the methods you have to take to confirm that your kid has them. For those who don't know, it involves flashlights and tape and checking your kid's butthole at night. I know, right?
I explained to the secretary that it was maybe pinworms and quickly commented that I had read it's a common occurrence in daycare settings, at which point she informed me that she'd never heard of them and that another administrator who had worked there for 20 years had never seen anything like it. Awesome, thanks ladies. The secretary informed me that they saved the worm so I could take a look at it. I told the secretary I would call my kid's doc to see what to do, hung up the phone and proceeded to internally melt down. As I said before, I had already read up on pinworms and knew what was in store for me. But I called the doc and spoke with the nurse a couple of times. I decided that after work I would hit the pharmacy and get the OTC med, which actually sounded pretty simple; one dose and then a follow up dose a couple weeks later. Pretty easy for such a disgusting malady.
Fast forward to later in the evening after my kid has gone to bed. I'm getting ready to head out to the pharmacy to pick up meds, and I thought "lemme just take a quick gander at that worm they saved for me." I put some gloves on, open the plastic bag up and proceed to unwrap the paper towels and baby wipes that were stuffed in the bag. Obviously since they collected the specimen during a poopy diaper change, it was super pleasant to be pawing through a bunch of shit-stained wipes. Eventually I got to the worm in question. While it certainly looked like a little, white-ish, grub-like worm, I quickly realized with immense relief that it was definitely not a pinworm. Looked nothing like it. And then I recalled that the night before, my kid had zucchini noodles with his dinner. And I realized that's exactly what this was. A fucking zucchini noodle. Oh. Em. Gee. See, this is why a sense of humor is a necessary quality in a mom.
I don't think I've ever been more relieved in my life, other than maybe when my kid was born healthy. With the giddiness of a fucking school girl, I broke the good news to my husband that we, in fact, do not have to get our kid out of bed that night and put scotch tape on his butthole to collect pinworm eggs. Nor do we have to launder every single piece of fabric our kid has come into contact with. YESSSSS!!!!!
Honestly, the most mentally-taxing part of the whole scenario of my kid having pinworms was the idea of having to get him up in the middle of the night, two nights in a row, to check his butthole. Anyone with any sense knows you don't wake a sleeping baby; well, I guess pinworms and a poopy diaper are the exceptions to that rule.
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