Well, we are now a family of four. Man to man coverage. So far it's been pretty straightforward, and all the expected adjustments seem to be on point. No big surprises yet, which is exactly how I like it. I'm the overwhelmed mom: the one who can't seem to get her shit together, is always a little frazzled and lags behind all the other moms who appear to so easily shower on a daily basis, wear makeup and prepare home-cooked dinners whilst raising their five kids. So I can't handle too much extra stress or adversity when it comes to the kiddos. In fact, just the other day I saw a mom at the store who was walking around with her partner and a toddler while pushing a brand new baby in the stroller, and this baby appeared to have some kind of facial or cranial deformity that looked like it would affect her eyesight in a long term, serious manner. I got a little emotional thinking about how much stress and anxiety this mom must endure in having had a baby with a presumed birth defect, and I wanted to tell her how much a hot mess like myself admired her strength. It also reinforced to me just how lucky me and my husband are to have had two healthy babies born with no health issues.
Speaking of healthy babies born, my little girl was born on 4/27/20 at 10:25am. She was 6 lbs 13oz and 19 in long. I had another c-section, and overall it was a significantly better experience than my first, mostly because my anesthesiologist was amazing and the pain block he gave me was equally amazing. I wasn't nervous until the process began, and then I kind of felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. But as soon as they told me she was out, she immediately began crying at the top of her little lungs, and so did I. It was like being hit with a tidal wave of relief and joy, and for the first time since that little girl was conceived, I felt pure, uncomplicated love for this human who had joined our family. (Obviously I loved her already, but I was nervous at the idea of having a girl. I don't really know why.)
Oh, and even though the sleep deprivation is not nearly as shocking as it felt with my first, it is still PAINFUL. I am too damn old for this shit.
My toddler has adjusted pretty well to everything, considering his world changed drastically in multiple areas all at once; in addition to a new sister, he stopped attending school because of the pandemic, we moved to a new house and he also went a month and some change without seeing anyone else besides his mom and dad. He also didn't go anywhere in public for about 2 and half months. Some days are better than others; sometimes he wakes up with an attitude and mom and dad have to put that shit in check right off the bat. Other days he is sweet as pie. I'm doing my best to balance my time with him and the baby. Since I'm breastfeeding, I am tethered to the baby for a lot of the day, and I know that my son sometimes feels slighted because of this. He often tells me "mom, give Parker to daddy" when he wants me to snuggle with him or hold him. I do what I can when I can, but of course it feels like I'm not giving him enough attention. And then there are the times when he is being a shithead, and I have to remind him that it isn't all about him anymore, which is both necessary but hard to do.
We are surviving. We are trying to find our rhythm with the new baby and the pandemic. I return to work in a month. A MONTH. Maternity leave has flown by. I'm not ready to go back to work, but at the same time it will be clutch to get out of the house on a regular basis. There are multiple days in a row sometimes where I don't set foot outside the house or yard. I might go several days without driving my car anywhere, and it sucks big time. But the looming spike in COVID-19 cases keeps my ass from heading out unnecessarily. It will be nice when there is a vaccine for this bullshit.
